The Keychain
by Lilas
Summary: Jack gives Daniel a gift for his birthday (JD established)


Author: Lilas  
  
Pairings: Jack/Daniel, established  
  
Summary: Jack has something planned for Daniel's birthday, and the gift isn't as easy to decipher as the Colonel first thought.  
  
Author's notes: This was a challenge. And heaven help me this is my first Stargate fic. I completely and utterly worship SG fic-writers because I think the actor's gave so much depth to the characters it's nearly impossible to do them justice. But I tried. And anyone who wants a picture of the gift Jack gives Daniel, email me and I can send you a pic.  
  
Dedication: This is for Hila, my favorite 'adopted' sister! The one who bought the gift mentioned in the fic as well as the one who challenged me to write this. This is all your fault.  
  
Disclaimer: Dun own them. Damnit it all!!  
  
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There were days when Jack O'Neill acted like a decent, normal, relatively sane human being. He was polite (in a manner of speaking), he joked with his friends, he went to work, and here an there he saved the planet. But then there were days in which he. didn't. Those were the days Daniel was most afraid of. Not because Jack became a psycho, or because he reminisced on his past and scared him half to death. He wished. No. It was because on those days, Jack had an agenda. He had a personal mission. Unfortunately, and logically, most of these days fell on holidays and birthdays.  
  
This was one of those days, and Daniel was afraid. Very, very afraid. It was his first birthday celebration since coming back from being 'a glow in the dark jellyfish' (as Jack liked to remind him), and throughout the day, he glimpsed Jack's evil gleams towards him and he could see the wheels in the Colonel's head turning at a million miles an hour; and he knew this wasn't a good thing. Jack had something planned and nothing would stop him from getting it accomplished -not even Thor.  
  
So it was in a perpetual state of fear that Daniel ventured through the day, reading his reports half watching out for Jack, and half telling himself to ignore Jack. This led to a disastrous lecture to SG-9 about PX3- 666, which eerily reminded him of his lecture in LA (minus the walking out on him part) and constant side glances from General Hammond and Sam, who quite frankly probably thought he was having a serious mental breakdown.  
  
It was thus with great relief that Daniel packed his bags early and made his way through all the check points as quickly and discreetly as possible, praying to whichever god (false or otherwise) that would allow him to escape from Jack undetected and unperturbed. As he flung the door of his car open and slammed it shut, he leaned back and exhaled, closing his eyes in a small amount of relaxed bliss. He was safe.  
  
Or so he'd let himself believe.  
  
The sudden breeze in his car caused him to open his eyes in alarm. He groaned audibly as he saw none other but high and mighty himself take a seat next to him and close his door, locking it in the process, a gesture clearly indicating that nothing would get him out of the car.  
  
"Hey Daniel."  
  
Daniel leaned his head back and watched Jack from the corner of his eyes, his body rigid and poised for battle. He would not go down without a fight this time!  
  
"What is it Jack?"  
  
"What do you mean 'what is it Jack'? Can't I want to spend some time with my boyfriend?" Jack was feigning hurt and indignation, a sure sign he was up to something Daniel would most definitely not appreciate.  
  
"Your 'boyfriend', as you so refer to me as, is on to you. I know that look, O'Neill. You have something planned for me, and you know I won't like it. So you might as well spill it."  
  
Jack's eyes widened and he placed his hands on his chest, mouthing 'moi?!' as he continued to watch Daniel watching him from the corners of his eyes. Throughout the entire charade, however, Daniel noticed that the particular gleam in Jack's eyes that had terrified him all day had yet to make its disappearing act. There was no way in hell he was going to trust his colonel.  
  
"Jack. I know you know it's my birthday. And despite the fact I have just recently regained my memory as to the fact we were together, this doesn't mean I don't remember what you made me go through on my last birthday. In conclusion, I refuse to go through anything remotely humiliating or other wise compromising to my person. Is that understood?"  
  
"Nothing public. Got it Danny." Jack winked and smirked that smirk.  
  
What had he just gotten himself into?  
  
========  
  
Something was wrong. It didn't take a genius to realize that, even with Jack hovering next to Daniel grinning from ear to ear. And it sure as hell didn't take an astrophysicist to realize that Jack bouncing on his feet and standing in front of Daniel's door, while a suspicious looking Daniel had the keys in the lock of his apartment and was about to open it, that the older man had passed by the house and done something to it.  
  
So it was with his senses on high alert that Daniel stepped into his apartment and looked around, all the while taking off his coat and dropping his briefcase on the couch. Everything looked normal. The fish were alive, the artifacts were intact and the kitchen seemed to be in one piece. Daniel stepped further in, blue eyes taking in the state of his house. What could Jack have possibly done to it while he was locked up at the Mountain?  
  
"Whatcha looking for Danny?" That damn Colonel sounded so smug it made Daniel want to punch his lights out.  
  
"Signs of destruction," he gritted out, warily watching the pile of magazines, waiting for it to create life and moving his eyes back along his apartment when nothing jumped out at him.  
  
"Daniel! I'm hurt! You think I'd invade your privacy and--"  
  
"What the hell is that thing floating in my aquarium?!"  
  
Jack grinned as he watched Daniel run to his aquarium where his fish were quite blatantly avoiding a particular area, swimming away from the intruder in their tank. It took Daniel less time than he thought it would to realize what it was Jack had done to his apartment.  
  
Admittedly, Jack had been reluctant to do anything for his archeologist's birthday this year, what with them just recently getting back together and Danny's continuous insecurities in some areas his memory had yet to make a comeback to. But the urge had been greater than his willpower, and when he had seen that thing at the store, he just knew he had to get it and do something. It was that worth it.  
  
Of course, now that he was faced with an infuriated Daniel glaring at him while holding his little joke dripping wet and sprinkling the carpet, Jack was thinking that perhaps the aquarium hadn't been the best place to put the little plastic keychain in, even if it did suit the environment of the tank.  
  
"Jack. What is this?" Daniel dangled the keychain higher, little drops of water making their way down his wrist and splashing off his hand.  
  
"It's a keychain, Daniel."  
  
Daniel growled. "I'm aware, Jack."  
  
"So why did you ask?" He knew he was going to get it later; but the opportunity to see Daniel ruffled up and pissed was worth the cost he'd have to pay. Even if that meant he'd be getting the couch for the majority of the week.  
  
"I want to know what a keychain is doing polluting my aquarium where my new fish are happily swimming."  
  
Jack flinched internally at the tone used. Daniel was articulating his words, which only happened on two occasions. The first when he was in lecture mode talking about something that was actually important and that they needed to know; the second when he was so pissed he regressed back to thinking he was talking to a little kid; a kid in the body of a forty- something year old Colonel.  
  
"Well. it was swimming with its new friends," Jack grinned, desperately trying to save his hind.  
  
"No. It was terrorizing them." Daniel shook the keychain for emphasis.  
  
"Oh for crying out loud Daniel. You think your fish are smart enough to know that that's not real?"  
  
"No, but I thought you would be."  
  
Touché. Jack sighed and brought his hands up in mock surrender, dipping his head forward and acknowledging his defeat. Daniel was mad. A mad Daniel, although humorous because he resorted to dry wit, was a dangerous thing in bed. A dangerous and unpleasant thing, to be more precise. And Jack concluded that Daniel needed a better birthday present than a keychain. Say something involving the words hot, euphoric, and sexy.  
  
"Daniel."  
  
"Jack."  
  
"It's just a keychain. It wouldn't have killed your fish," Jack reasoned.  
  
"Why was it in the tank?"  
  
"It's a fish keychain Daniel. Fish, tank, water. Get the joke?" No way could Daniel keep up the dumb act.  
  
"Jack. You gave me a keychain for my birthday," Daniel resumed, looking incredulously at his graying lover.  
  
"It's the message that counts," Jack nodded, a smug grin playing on his lips.  
  
"Message.? Do I even want to know?"  
  
"Well, if you ever decide to press that little black button, you might just be able to get the clue to your second birthday gift," Jack instructed, pointing a finger towards the general direction of the multicolored plastic keychain fish Daniel still held in his hand.  
  
With one perfectly raised eyebrow (compliments of much practice time with Teal'c), Daniel examined the keychain, and after assessing damage potential decided that Jack wouldn't give him anything that might physically injure him. So with that thought in mind, he reluctantly pressed the little black button and waited.  
  
And stared.  
  
And stared.  
  
Jack's grin grew as the seconds ticked by, enjoying Daniel's stupefied expression as the little keychain did its job. The older man still couldn't believe his luck in finding that particular little gem. A once in a lifetime find, for sure. Daniel's blue eyes slowly peeled themselves away from the offending gift and continued to stare at Jack, incredulous and incapable of assimilating what he had just heard.  
  
"Jack." Daniel's voice was soft, as if he hadn't spoken in years.  
  
"Yes Daniel?" Jack smirked.  
  
"That was. the Vengaboys," Daniel continued, his voice attempting to articulate his disbelief.  
  
"Was it?" Jack raised both eyebrows, watching as Daniel's own frowned.  
  
"Jack. Why is the fish keychain you gave me singing 'Boom, Boom, Boom' by the Vengaboys?"  
  
"Well, I would assume it's trying to convey a message, Daniel."  
  
Daniel licked his lips, staring at the keychain. "And that would be?"  
  
"Well, what's the fish telling you, Danny?" Jack crossed his arms and leaned back on his heels, smiling and loving every minute of it.  
  
Daniel pressed the black button again and listened to the song, nodding every other sentence. At the end of the song, he looked up, blue eyes reflecting the certainty of his conclusion. "It wants to have sex with me," he announced, poking the keychain and watching it swing back and forth.  
  
"And what do you think of that?"  
  
"Honestly?" Jack nodded, grinning smugly and shifting his weight, trying to conceal the fact his pants were getting rather uncomfortable. Daniel licked his lips slowly, shifting his gaze from the keychain to Jack and bit his lower lip. Finally he took and deep breath and nodded in resolution. "I think it'd be physiologically impossible for me to fuck the keychain, Jack."  
  
All movement stopped. Jack stared at the archeologist in front of him, disbelief written all over his face. Daniel did not just say what he thought he did. No way. There was no chance in hell someone could possibly be that. that. naïve about things like these. Especially not Daniel. His Daniel, as he well knew, was most definitely not naïve at all (if the man even knew the true meaning of the word).  
  
So this had to be a joke. A bad joke with an atrocious sense of humor, but one nonetheless. Because if it wasn't a joke, then Jack and Daniel were obviously not on the same page, and if they weren't on the same page, then how much of their relationship had been a misunderstanding? And--  
  
"Jack! Are you even listening to me?"  
  
Jack blinked, his train of thought abruptly stopped by the pressure of Daniel's lips on his cheek. He watched as Daniel grinned, amused at his Colonel's obvious distress. A strange silence came over the room as both men stared at each other, neither saying anything while the keychain dangled back and forth on Daniel's finger.  
  
"Would you like me to repeat my proposal?" Daniel asked huskily, adept fingers playing with the older man's short gray hair as his arms came to rest on Jack's shoulders.  
  
Jack nodded dumbly. Obviously he's missed something big.  
  
"As I was saying, I think it'd be impossible for me to have sex with the keychain you gave me Jack. But I was thinking that if you didn't mind, then maybe I could exchange the night with the keychain for a wild night with a USAF Colonel. What do you think? Would you mind that? Even though you clearly want me to spend the night in my room with the keychain."  
  
Jack swallowed and smiled, encircling his arms around Daniel's waist and gripping his ass cheeks, bringing the man towards him in the process.  
  
"To tell you the truth Daniel," he whispered into the man's ear, blowing hot air into the small tunnel, "I think the keychain would very much appreciate that."  
  
"Well then," Daniel gave Jack a quick kiss before pulling away, "I think I'll let the keychain get acquainted with its new friends while we got off and take care of business." Daniel wiggled his eyebrows and walked back towards his room, leaving the keychain on the counter and winking back to Jack who remained in the middle of the room.  
  
Well, who ever said fishing was a sport for those with patience was right. And goddamn had he caught a big fish. Walking towards the table, he pressed the little black button and made his way to Daniel's room while the music filled the livingroom with the promise of what would come later in the night.  
  
=====  
  
Boom boom boom boom  
  
I want you in my room  
  
Let's spend the night together  
  
From now until forever  
  
Boom boom boom boom  
  
I wanna do the boom  
  
Let's spend the night together  
  
Together in my room  
  
-Vengaboys 


End file.
